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 Post subject: Tae a Fert
PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 9:54 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 6:00 am
Posts: 320
Location: Scotland
i have no idea who wrote this poem, but it gave me a quick chuckle

Oh what a sleekit horrid beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts to stir an enormous wind.

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Stert workin like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face
Will have ye blawin’ all ower the place.

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A’bodys gonnae have tae pay
Even if ye try to stifle,
It’s like a bullet oot a rifle.

Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try and stop the leakin air
Shift yersel frae cheek tae cheek
Prae tae God it doesnae reek.

But aw yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me, a sonic boom!

God almighty it fairly reeks;
Hope I huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog I better scurry
Aw whit the hell, its no ma worry.

A’body roon aboot me chokin,
Wan or two are nearly bokin
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile.

Wis him! I shout with accusin glower,
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
I dinnae feel welcome any mair.

Where ere ye go let yer wind gan free
Sounds like just the job fur me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty
Ower the sake o won wee ferty.

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 11:36 am 
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Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2007 9:36 am
Posts: 1665
Location: Waiting for blue mutants to feed me.
Many, many years ago, when I was twenty-three,
I was married to a widow who was pretty as can be
this widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red.
my father fell in love with her, and soon they too were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law and really changed my life,
now my daughter was my mother, cause she was my father's wife.
to complicate the matter, even though it brought me joy,
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became a brother-in-law to Dad,
and so became my uncle, though it made me very sad.
for if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother
of the widow's grown-up daughter, who, of course,
was my stepmother.

Father's wife then had a son who kept him on the run,
and he became my grandchild, for he was my daughter's son.
my wife is now my mother's mother, and it makes me blue,
because, although she is my wife, she's my grandmother, too.

Now if my wife is my grandmother, then I'm her grandchild,
and every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild,
cause now I have become the strangest case you ever saw
as husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!

Oh, I'm my own grandpa.
I'm my own grandpa.
it sounds funny I know but it really is so,
oh, I'm my own grandpa

I'm my own grandpa
I'm my own grandpa...
it sounds funny I know
but it really is so
oh, I'm my own grandpa......

Individual wrote:
I think what he meant was that bad stuff can also be entertaining. Like uh, watching any movie with Halle Berry in it. The movie sucks ass, but god damn!

Ubergeneral wrote:
my genious too awesome for you?

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